So I’m barely home from work, relaxing on my couch watching some King of the Hill, when all of a sudden, this asshole starts banging on my door and windows. For a split second I’m thinking it’s the cops or something like that, the guy’s literally running back and forth banging his open hand on my door and two front windows.
Then I hear the guy calling out, “Fabian! Fabian!” (at which point I’m thinking the cops have the wrong address). I get up against my door and call out, “Who is it?!” and the guy yells back “I’m looking for Fabian!” So it’s not the cops.
I open my door (screen door’s locked) and some blonde-headed douche is pacing back and forth. “Where’s Fabian?”
I tell him, “There’s no Fabian here. What the fuck is your problem?!”
“What?” He’s actually offended!
“You come to my home and bang my door and windows like a fucking prick, what the hell’s your problem!? I’ve lived here over a year, there’s no fucking Fabian here!”
At this point he seemed either chilled out or embarassed, and he asks, “Do you know where I can find him?”
“Why would I know where the guy who was here before me lives? Do I look like a 411 operator?”
“Uh, I just want to know where Fabian is.”
By now I’m sick of dealing with him; “I don’t know, and no one here knows. Now goodbye. If you come back here and bang my door and windows I’m calling the fucking cops.”
And with that, he left.
I closed my door and went back to my cartoons.